How to Ask for Help When You're Considering (or Choosing) Solo Motherhood

By Carrie Meckler, LCMHC-S | Coping Forward Counseling Services

There's a specific kind of loneliness that comes with considering solo motherhood and becoming a Single Mother by Choice.

You're making one of the biggest decisions of your life — often quietly, often alone — and somewhere along the way you realize you need support. You just don't know how to ask for it.

Maybe you're afraid of what people will say. Maybe you don't want to be a burden. Maybe you've tried before and it didn't go well.

As a therapist and a single mom by choice, I've been on both sides of this. Here's something practical: a DBT-based framework for asking for the help you actually need.

Asking for Help Is a Skill

Needing support doesn't mean you're not ready. It means you're human. DBT gives us three tools that work really well here — DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST — and together they help you ask for what you need without blowing up your relationships or losing yourself in the process.

DEAR MAN: Make the Ask

Describe the situation. Express how you feel. Assert what you need clearly — don't hint. Reinforce why it matters. Stay Mindful and return to your ask if things go sideways. Appear Confident even when you're nervous. Negotiate if needed.

In real life it sounds like:

"I've been going through a lot around whether to become a solo mom. I've felt really isolated, and I need someone I can talk to without feeling judged. I'm not asking you to agree — I'm asking you to just be in my corner."

GIVE: Keep the Relationship Intact

Be Gentle. Act Interested in their response. Validate their perspective even if it's different from yours. Use an Easy manner — warmth goes a long way, especially with family who may have complicated feelings about your choice.

FAST: Don't Lose Yourself

Be Fair to yourself and them. No Apologies for having needs. Stick to your values — don't water down your ask to avoid conflict. Be Truthful. "Oh, I'm fine" when you're not isn't managing — it's armor.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

If you've been processing this decision in isolation, that's exactly what my 6-week virtual support group is for. Women in NC and FL, Tuesdays 12–1pm, starting June 2nd, 2026.

Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist (LCMHC-S, LCAS) in North Carolina and a certified telehealth provider in Florida, and a single mother by choice.